The Before

In all the literature I read not one book or blog mentioned discussions that should happen before the birth of your beautiful little one. At the time, I had no idea of the impending disagreements that would ensue once Harrison was born. If I could go back in time I would invite myself to discuss certain things with my husband that needed attention before the baby was born. Here are just a few:

Circumcision. Obviously this is a male issue only but one that every parent of a boy has to decide. This is going to be either a very easy decision for you, or a very difficult one. What will you do if the two parents disagree? How will you navigate this difficult subject while keeping both parent's opinions in mind? Unfortunately, you can't do a half circumcision. It's an all-or-nothing thing. Once you make a decision, be prepared for your mind to change the moment the little one is born. This happened with me and it created quite a bit of tension.

Sleeping. Where will your baby sleep? This seems like a simple question but in the throes of exhaustion and frustration you may find yourself thinking the couch looks pretty comfy. Heck! The floor looks comfy if we could all just close our eyes for 20 minutes. Looking back, I'm glad we set up his crib with the monitor. Having the monitor was my sole reason for wanting him in his crib, otherwise I would have let my separation anxiety get the best of me. We all want what's best for the baby but, in the moment, you often want what is easiest. On that note, discuss where everyone will sleep. Not just the baby. You may find that, once the baby is born, you cannot stand the thought of being parted with him. Even if for a moment. Or you may have the exact opposite reaction and want to sleep as far away as you can. How can everyone be happy and safe? This question consumed us for quite a while and caused many disagreements.
Be prepared to flex on certain things, but never on safety.
*Big shout out to my husband for refusing to let me sleep with our son on the couch. I was so exhausted I couldn't think straight.

Breastfeeding. You do realize you will be a milk machine for the first 2-3 months? And no, I don't mean in a beautiful, la la I'm feeding my baby, sort of way. Prepare yourself for being on-call to a ravenous hunger beast who wakes up every 2-3 hours starving. Prepare yourself for a beastie that eats for 45 minutes straight, wakes up, melts you with a grin, then starts wailing for more boobie. They don't stop until they reach maximum fatness, which may be at the three month mark. Well, really they never stop but you get used to it and they get much more efficient at feeding. You need to discuss this with your partner. How important is breastfeeding to you? How important is it to your partner? Is your partner okay with the boobies belonging to the baby? Does your partner trust you to trust your instincts? You and your partner need to understand that breastfeeding will consume you for a little bit while you figure it out. There is a steep learning curve for so many when it comes to breastfeeding. Everyone involved needs to show patience, trust, and understanding.

Exhaustion. When you have a newborn it's all hands on deck 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Even with two people that can be exhausting. Give each other leave to be honest. "I need a break" was the sentence I used when I was completely tapped out. I would go hide in the bathroom for about 15 minutes and zombie it up on Facebook. Whatever you need to do to combat the exhaustion: exercise, sleep, sitting down. You (and your partner) need to ask yourself, how can I avoid the exhaustion monster? The exhaustion monster comes when you have nothing left to give but your worst. You are beyond tired and see no end to the exhaustion. TAP OUT.  There is no shame in saying you have had enough. You will come back a better parent and able to help your baby and your partner.

Expectations. Who does what? For a while, my sole focus was on getting breastfeeding down. It was so incredibly difficult and took up so much of my time. My house was filthy, my dogs were dirty, dinner was sandwiches and cereal. But we were okay with that. Our expectation was that was a symptom of having a newborn in the house. Do not expect that you will go back to the way it was before baby. It won't. And that is perfectly normal! Let me say that again, you are normal for having a dirty house and scraps for dinner. This time will pass quickly. Your newborn will grow into a baby seemingly overnight and you will mourn the time you spent worrying about a clean house. You have about 3.5 seconds with your newborn before they start to change. Enjoy it! Enjoy every waking and sleeping moment that you can! You will never get this time back.

When Harrison was born I gave myself leave to focus on the here and now. When I would start to worry about the future I would say in my head, "Stop. Where are you? What are you doing? How happy are you? Enjoy your baby. Look at your baby. Isn't he beautiful. Look what you made with your husband." Those simple sentences and phrases did and do bring me down from my worries and fears. It took so much to get him. I intend to use every moment I have enjoying him.

Breastfeeding: The Hardest Thing

During my pregnancy with Harrison I focused so much on the birth that little time was spent on what I would do once this little human was in my arms. A friend loaned me The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and I read the first few chapters. The book made breastfeeding seem so natural and easy, surely it would just happen without any interventions or suffering on my part.

Just after birth, figuring things out while holding Mommy's hand

When Harrison was born we spent 24 hours in labor and delivery because of my preeclampsia complications. I was bedbound and could not move. This was good because it forced me to focus on feeding Harrison. Trouble was Harrison, like most newborns, wanted to sleep. When he did nurse I had no idea what he or I were supposed to do. I followed the book recommendations by laying back and letting Harrison go to town on my nipples. When I started to get very sore and very cracked skin I asked for the lactation consultant to come help me. When she came, she offered very little real help. A nudge, a tilt, a "good job mom". But it STILL HURT. I told her this and her response was, "well...it's not supposed to. He's in a good position."

Suddenly I felt like I was doing something wrong. If Harrison was feeding correctly it must mean that I have overly tender nipples or it's just part of my recovery. I kept telling myself it would get better. It didn't. At the same time Harrison's blood sugar levels dropped. The doctor said it would have dropped regardless of breastfeeding but I felt that if he had a good latch he would have been able to pull out the nutrients he so desperately needed. When they transferred him to the NICU we okayed the use of formula because we wanted him healthy as quickly as possible. We so desperately wanted to go home.

In the NICU, still figuring things out but having the Brest Friend helped so much!

While in the NICU they ran all sorts of tests on him, including blood and spinal draws. I would never wish that sort of psychological pain and anguish on anyone. That week in the hospital was the worst week of my life. I had to trust strangers, I had to balance healing myself and meeting the needs of my son, I had to make life-long decisions for my son while completely exhausted. Of course, the formula did it's job. He never lost weight after he was born but kept feeding like a little machine. I would see him suck down 30 mL of formula as a two-day-old and couldn't understand where he was putting it all. There stomachs are so small at this point, how could he possibly be eating that much!

On day four we were transferred out of the NICU and into pediatrics. They were worried he had pneumonia and did a full course of antibiotics intravenously for seven days. We had to spend an extra three days in the pediatric unit waiting for him to finish his antibiotics. It was awful. We went from having a 24 hour army of nurses to being by ourselves with a newborn. The learning curve was steep and the stress of switching from breastfeeding and supplementing to formula to strictly breastfeeding was exhausting.

No one tells you that newborns wake every two hours and nurse for 45 minutes at a time. What they will tell you is that you are doing it wrong if it takes that long. Everyone in the hospital was telling me I shouldn't let him nurse that long and that I was teaching him bad habits. But my mommy instincts kept saying it was the right thing to do. It was only after I joined my local breastfeeding group on facebook and did research on my own that I discovered one of my nipples was, most liekly, inverted. This explained partly why it took Harrison so long to feed. He just needed more time to figure the boob out.

To be exact, he needed 8 weeks to figure the boob out. Eight weeks of sore, dry, cracked, swollen nipples and boobs. I told myself, just make it to 8 weeks! You can do that right?! After that we can switch back to formula and your pain will be over. But then, magically, he figured it out on his own! He now takes about 5 minutes to feed total. He is like a booby sucking machine! LOL. He loves his boobies and they love him too!

I think what helped me the most in my breastfeeding journey was my stubbornness. I am one of those people that, when I set my mind to something, it is impossible for me to give up. I also did not have any other complications after giving birth so I could give my total attention to this problem. I cannot imagine breastfeeding through the pain if I had a C-section, post-partum depression, or latent pain from an epidural. For those mamas that have the ability to figure out breastfeeding while dealing with any of those complications I salute you!

Harrison is now six months old and just had his first taste of solid food. Many people have been asking me, how long will you breastfeed him for? I honestly do not know the exact answer to that question, but I would like to go for as long as possible. I fought so incredibly hard for this relationship and I do not want it to end! That said, once he gets teeth I may change my mind!

Note: The tools I found the most indispensable were lanolin, brest friend, giant water bottle, and button-front pajamas.

Baby Must Haves

Hi Guys!

I decided to write this review because many friends have asked me what I used and liked for my baby. We had a lot of extra stuff that we didn't end up using. While I am so grateful that we had the means to have that stuff in case we needed it, I was surprised by what actually got used in the first few months Harrison was born. This list assumes you know a baby needs clothes, a bed, and a carseat. ;)


Water Bottle
I was so incredibly thirsty ALL THE TIME after giving birth. In fact, I still am! Having a GIANT water bottle, or two, or three around the house filled with water is a must for the breast feeding mama. Get a bottle that doesn't make a lot of noise when you open it. That way you can still quench your thirst and not worry about waking baby.

 
Rocker/Swing
I highly recommend not just one rocker or swing but at least two! Why? Baby may hate the super expensive one that you bought. If you go on craigslist or any of your local area Buy/Sell/Trade sites you can get them for SUPER cheap. We have a two story house and have two different rockers. It has been so nice having one upstairs and one downstairs. We bought the mamaroo and the babybjorn rockers. I love having one that is electric! Harrison loves both but lately has not liked me rocking him to sleep. Instead, he prefers to be rocked by the mamaroo. His tastes may change in a few weeks but for now my back thanks him!


Swaddles
We have gone through about every iteration of a swaddle there is! My favorite? The aden & anais muslin swaddles. BUT Kurt HATES them! We still have not found something that works perfectly but are currently jerry-rigging a zipadee-zip for him.


Breast Pump, Bottles, and Milk Bags
I was dead set on exclusively breast feeding and I am happy to say that my stubbornness has paid off. That said, when I developed a plugged duct during the first six weeks it was so incredibly painful. Nursing offered the most relief but when Harrison fell asleep and my boobs still felt like they were going to explode I hooked up the pump and let that machine go to town!
We also started bottle feeding Harrison about once a week once he turned six weeks. This was so that he could still be fed if anything ever happened to me. I started building a supply in the freezer for him so that he would always have food. Of course, little man has developed a food sensitivity so I will probably donate all that milk! Oh well...


Breast Friend
I cannot tell you how important this thing was to me for the first six weeks! The Breast Friend is the number one thing I would recommend first time mom's have. It is the BEST nursing pillow in the entire world. I had the boppy pillow and it did not work for me for many reasons. While we were in the NICU the lactation consultant had one of these puppies for me to use. I sent my Mother-In-Law to babiesrus to buy one the same day. I did not care how much it cost or how far away that store was, I needed it in my life!!! I struggled with breast feeding for about the first two months and this was the only thing that made it somewhat bearable. Get it. Now.


Lanolin
Harrison's latch was quite terrible for his first 7 weeks of life which meant that my nipples always felt like they were going to fall off. This was the only cream I could use safely and that I liked. I tried another brand but it had additives and smelled strange. I think I went through about two tubes of this stuff! I now no longer need it and do not use it. Remember that this stuff stains your clothes! I had to throw out about five shirts because I was so sleep deprived and kept wearing my clothes like a normal person. You are not normal, you just had a baby.


Cloth Diapers
I am just going to write this assuming that you are going to cloth diaper. If not, skip to the next paragraph! We loved using a service for his newborn phase! We used the newborn sized diapers for about the first seven weeks of his life. If you chose to buy the newborns instead, our favorite were the Grovia Newborn All-In-Ones. They fit so incredibly well and the material was of such high quality!
Once he grew out of the new born diapers we bought a couple of different brands to see what we liked. We settled on Blueberry Simplex All-in-One diapers. I LOVE them so much for their ease of use and adorable colors and prints. I have actually developed a bit of an addiction.


Baby Monitor
Harrison was in the NICU for the first week of his life. When we brought him home I was terrified that he would silently die. For that reason, we had him in his crib with the Angelcare Monitor and Sensor almost immediately. The only thing I would do differently? Have the crib and sensor in our room so that Mommy could get a good night sleep too!


Lifecake App
This app is for your smart phone and is amazing! I was originally texting my close family a picture of Harrison every day. They would respond with their comments and I started to get a little sad that these comments wouldn't be saved in some way for him to read in the future. My friend told me about Lifecake which is an app that allows you to upload the pictures you take on your smartphone and organizes them by the baby's birthday. You can also invite folks to be members and they can then comment on the pictures. On their website you can order photo books as well. It seems like this branch of Canon is still getting off the ground, they don't have very many options available to you for printing pictures, but I still like it as it is more secure and organized than facebook.

Lillebaby carrier

I love this carrier because you don't need an extra insert to carry when baby is really little. We got the airflow model which is made out of all mesh, no hot cotton in Hawaii! I tried several other brands but liked the versatility of this one the most. 

Nosefrida

I actually bought a cheaper knock off version of this on Amazon. Harrison has only been sick once but this was a lifesaver and much more sanitary than the bulbs. Highly recommend!

Harrison's Naming Ceremony

What is a naming ceremony?

A naming ceremony is a non-religious alternative to ceremonies such as christening. The purpose is to recognise and celebrate the arrival of a child and welcome him in the family and circle of friends. The structure often reflects that of more traditional naming ceremonies, with a formal ceremony in which the parents name godparents. This is often followed by a celebratory party.

For Harrison's naming ceremony we assigned Jennifer and Katy as godmothers to Harrison. We also explained Harrison's name and, as the parents, made promises to him. At the end of the ceremony we went to Duke's restaurant to celebrate.

While this ceremony did not include religion, it does not mean we wouldn't support religion in his life. It does mean that we want him to chose his own path, instead of it being chosen for him. 💙

Harrison's Naming Ceremony

Welcome and introduction (KURT)

We want to thank everyone for coming today. We are here today to celebrate Harrison's birth. A naming ceremony is an opportunity to celebrate together the arrival of someone very special. Our ceremony will be short. We plan on doing a few readings, say some words about Harrison and make promises to him.

Reading (SARAH)

The prophet (extract) by Kahlil Gibran

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, speak to us of children. And he said: 

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters 

of Life’s longing for itself. 

They come through you 

but not from you. 

And though they are with you 

yet they belong not to you. 

You may give them your love 

but not your thoughts, 

For they have their own thoughts, 

You may house their bodies 

but not their souls

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, 

which you cannot visit

not even in your dreams. 

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you, 

for life goes not backward

nor tarries with yesterday. 

You are simply the bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth. 

(Pan Books, 1923.)

Announcing the name (KURT)

We would like to introduce you all to Harrison James Snyder. Harrison was born on Redacted at 2:07am at Tripler Army Medical Center surrounded by the love of both his parents and grandmother Virginia. We named him after Harrison Garner Garrett, his great great grandfather, who served as a Marine in World War One after being turned down by the army for poor eyesight. Harrison Garrett refused the rejection of one branch of service. Serving his country was so great a desire that he found a way to serve even when it was thought impossible. Harrison James is also named after James Edward Snyder, his great-grandfather, who served as an Army green beret during the Vietnam war. The men who held and hold these names are great in their dedication to family and country. We hope that Harrison James learns many lessons from his namesakes . The name Harrison means son of Henry. Henry means ruler. James means supplanter. We hope that this means Harrison will grow to be a strong leader who is not afraid to break or question the rules when he sees fit. 

Parents promise (SARAH)

We would now like to take this opportunity to make several promises to Harrison as his parents. We want to first give thanks for this beautiful baby who has chosen us as his parents. You are the most precious gift we have ever received. You have already given us the gifts of patience and resilience as we navigate these newfound waters of parenthood. 

It is not easy to put into words how great our desire for you was and is. You are our greatest joy. A light in our lives for which all others will be compared. We cannot think of our lives before you and we don't want to, so great is our joy. Hard was the journey to receive you which makes your arrival so much sweeter. Our greatest fear is giving you a life you hate and so we will make certain promises to you here and now. 

We promise to nurture your curiosity for life. We promise to teach you enthusiasm for the new and different. We promise to teach you to be courageous when all hope seems lost. 

The world you will grow to live in is uncertain but we promise to give you warmth and shelter all the days of your life. You will be safe with us no matter the identity you hold, the thoughts you keep, or the opinions you share. Your dreams and desires will become our dreams and desires and we will do everything in our power to help you achieve them. 

We promise to raise you in a kind, tolerant and patient environment in the hopes that you will better the world in some way. We promise that our comfort, support, and friendship will be infinite. You will always be able to come to us in your hour of need and we hope that you do. 

Harrison James, we did not know how empty our lives were until you showed your beautiful face and filled our hearts with a love more radiant than anything we could have ever imagined. Thank you for choosing us to be your parents. We will endeavor to deserve you every day of our lives.

Godparents promise (KURT)

We would like to ask Jennifer and Katy to come forward. We have asked you to be his godmothers as you are his aunts and love him unconditionally and so deeply. We have chosen you as Harrison's guardians and protectors in this life if we are ever unable to. We ask you now to seal this bond by making vows to Harrison. 

[Jennifer and Katy read what they wrote]

Giving of haku lei to the godmothers. (KURT & SARAH)

We will now recognize the great commitment that Jennifer and Katy have made to Harrison by presenting them with a haku lei and pendant. The haku lei is a wreath of flowers that Harrison will place on each of his Aunties heads to remind them that their commitment is for all eternity. Just as a circle has no end, even in death they will always be his godmothers. The fresh orchids within the wreath represent love, beauty, and strength which are qualities reflected in the power of this commitment. May this beautiful bond, forged in love, never be broken. 

The white color of their clothes and of the flowers represents the purity of their intentions and the sacredness of their vows. Harrison will now place a haku lei on each godmother's head, sealing their bond. 

Harrison will now give each godmother a necklace that has a silver circle with a pearl hovering in the middle. The circle theme continues in silver, a hard metal that cannot be broken or tarnished easily. The pearl, a white orb perfect in its natural form is a reminder of Harrison's birthplace as well as a symbol of our hope for the bond to remain strong and pure. May these symbols remind the godmothers of their commitment to Harrison and to think of him and guide him on his journey through life. 

A plaque is given to each godmother so that she might reflect on it and remember her promises. 

The Final Gift (SARAH)

Finally, Harrison has one last gift to give. This gift is in memory of Sofia Maria Brandon whose life was short, at only 33 weeks of life. Often, people ignore or can't understand the value of such a life. It was so short it seems easily forgotten. This could not be further from the truth. When we look up in the heavens at night we take for granted the glittering stars that shine brightly day after day. Instead, our eyes are drawn to those that shine brightly and quickly. Sofia was a shooting star, a light that burned so brightly and so quickly that all who saw her and knew her were instantly touched by her grace and beauty. May Sofia's memory always be a reminder to Harrison that he make his life spectacular with as much meaning and purpose as Sofia's. 

The gift Harrison gives to Patricia and Ken is that of 8 lanterns. These lanterns each represent one month of Sofia's life. They should be used at dusk on a beach of your choosing. When you light each one and slowly let it rise in the sky, make a wish for your future.

Song (SARAH)

Sarah sings Phil Collins You'll Be In My Heart

Group invited to sing with her

Come stop your crying It will be alright

Just take my hand, hold it tight

I will protect you, from all around you

I will be here, don't you cry

For one so small, You seem so strong

My arms will hold you

Keep you safe and warm

This bond between us, can't be broken

I will be here don't you cry

(Chorus)

Cause you'll be in my heart

Yes, you'll be in my heart

From this day on

Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart

No matter what they say

You'll be here in my heart

Always

Why can't they understand

The way we feel?

They just don't trust

What they can't explain

I know we're different but, deep inside us

We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart

Yes you'll be in my heart

From this day on

Now and forever more

Don't listen to them

Cause what do they know

We need each other

To have, to hold

They'll see in time

I know

When destiny calls you

You must be strong

I may not be with you

But you've got to hold on

They'll see in time

I know

We'll show them together

Cause you'll be in my heart

Believe me you'll be in my heart

I'll be there

From this day on

Now and forever more

Ooo... you'll be in my heart

(you'll be here in my heart)

No matter what they say

You'll be here in my heart

I'll be there

Always

Always

I'll be with you

I'll be there for you always

Always and always

Just look over your shoulder

Just look over your shoulder

Just look over your shoulder

I'll be there always

Toast (SARAH)

Please join us in raising a toast to Harrison. 

To Harrison James: may life's richest joys be yours. May you grow to be happy and healthy and live life to the fullest. Remember that "You can be a guiding star

If you make the most of who you are"

-Benjamin Hoff

Christmas 2015 Newsletter

6 January 2016

Dear Family and Friends,

This year has been one of our most challenging and exhilarating yet!  We experienced many joys and a few sorrows but through it all we focused on what is important: family.

In December 2014 we also said goodbye to our Italian Exchange student, Lucy. She returned to Italy at the end of December and we were sad to see her go.

January 2015 was a time of refocus as we knew that we were going to be moving somewhere in the summer. We started making improvements to the outside and inside of the house in Tucson. While the landscaping went through several phases we finally decided on a low-maintenance seroscaping option.

February was a time of love and heartbreak as we said goodbye to our dear friends, the Diamonds. They left for a new post and we could only take heart in know that we would soon leave Tucson too. During this same time we said hello! To Kurt’s Grandpa who came down to visit. We are hoping that he will visit us in Hawaii too so that we can get an elusive 4 generations picture!

 

In March we visited the Grand Canyon and Sedona. I did not know it at the time but I was a few weeks pregnant! We took it easy for fear of disturbing anything that might be happening in my tummy. Fortunately our efforts paid off! We also had a visit from Sadie, one of Sarah’s very good friends. Our favorite moment was hearing a pack of coyotes howling in surround sound all around us.

 

 

April and May were a time to focus on education. Sarah was finishing up teaching at Pueblo Magnet High School. Kurt went to Pullman for his sister Katy’s graduation. Unfortunately, Sarah could not attend because it was the last few weeks of school for her but she was glad Kurt could go back to his Alma Mater for the first time in years!

June and July were focused on moving all of our things out of the house in Tucson and making our way towards Honolulu, HI! We spent time visiting family and friends in San Jose, CA and Seattle, WA. While in Seattle, Kurt’s mother and sisters threw us a baby shower. We were so grateful to them as we knew that once we got to Honolulu we would be friend and family-less for a couple of months.

August and September saw us choose to live on base instead of buying a home of our own. Proximity to work and cost of living were the key reasons for our choice. We could not be happier living on base! Kurt is about a two minute drive from home, something Sarah is most grateful for now that Harrison has arrived.

October and Novermber were filled with preparations for Harrison’s arrival. Buying a ton of things and setting up those tons of things took quite a lot of time. That, combined with the many doctor appointments Sarah had, saw these last two months fly by.

 

In December Harrison finally made his arrival. Despite being due on Thanksgiving Day he decided to share his birthday month with his Aunt Jennifer and Baby Jesus. He has a lot of competition! We are so grateful that he decided to choose us as his parents. We are overwhelmed with gratitude and poop. But mostly poop.

We are also grateful for having been sent to Hawaii for our next station. A new baby and paradise is the perfect combination to attract relatives to visit. We already have folks visiting in the months of February, April, May, June, and July! Help us fill up our calendar more! We love having visitors, especially Sarah. Being a stay-at-home Mom might end up making her a little stir-crazy. Visit us to relieve the monotony!

Love to all!

Kurt, Sarah, Harrison, Goo, Yoshi, and Momo

 

Harrison's Birth Story

Written on 12/15/2015 and for a few days following

Happy one week birthday my beautiful baby boy. I am laying in a hospital bed right next to you. You are fast asleep in your bassinet all bundled up.

Your birthday is December 8th, 2015 at 02:04 AM. I went in for a checkup on Monday, December 7th and my blood pressure was much too high (179/110). They diagnosed me with preeclampsia, the only cure for which is giving birth. I remember clearly the midwife coming in and telling me that I could have seizures, permanent brain injury, or die if I was not treated immediately. Imagine a super-intense Tinker Bell with no sense of humor (she really did look like Tinker Bell). They decided to strip my membranes to try and get the labor going. I thought this was going to hurt but it did not hurt at all, I even yawned during the procedure! The nurse told me that I was 1 centimeter dilated and 75% effaced. This gave me hope because it meant I was close to starting labor on my own before the interventions. They also decided to use a foley bulb to help me dilate more quickly. Again, I thought this would hurt but it did not. Thank goodness!

I was given magnesium (Epsom salt solution) to lower my blood pressure, unfortunately it is also a muscle relaxant so they had to give me Pitocin too. I was grateful they were willing to let me start at the lowest dose and work my way up to the dose that would be effective. I think this made it much easier on me. While I was waiting for the contractions to start, my water broke on its own. I remember sitting in the bed and feeling this warm gentle gush of water. I told Kurt that I thought my water broke, the nurses came in thinking that I probably just peed the bed but after testing the water they agreed that it had indeed broken!

The magnesium meant that I had to stay in the bed the entire time and get a catheter. Magnesium makes your legs weak and put me at a risk of falling. I am not sure why I had to get a catheter but it turned into a good thing after the birth. At first I was very upset by being bed bound because I felt like walking around would feel so much better than on the bed. Luckily the class that I took, BESTbirth Hawaii, helped me think outside the box. I had the exercise ball put on the bed and I draped the front half of my body over it with my knees on the bed. I stayed in this position for most of the labor as it made my contractions the least painful.

Once the foley bulb came out (at 4 centimeters) it did not take me that long to fully dilate. I watched Maleficent (the movie) while my contractions became stronger and stronger. This helped pass the time and gave me something to look at and hear while I experienced the contractions. By the time the movie was over the contractions were coming so quickly that watching a second movie, Cinderella, ended up not happening.

The nurses eventually came in and thought that my cervix was fully dilated, I had said that I felt the urge to push, so I began pushing on my hands and knees. They soon realized a little bit of my cervix was still in the way. They asked me to stop pushing and breathe through the contractions. This was, by far, the hardest part of labor. It was almost impossible for me not to push. They again had me lay on my side so they could check my cervix again. I can remember trying so hard to breathe through the contractions but being completely unable to. I kept yelling, "SORRY!!!" every time I would have a contraction and push without being able to stop.

Luckily this phase did not last very long and I was able to begin pushing again. The trouble being that I could no longer push by squatting. I really liked the position but I was so exhausted I didn't have the energy to stay on my hands and knees anymore. They suggested I lay on my side but that was by far the most painful position out of all of them. The nurses suggested I lay on my back because they could help me get him out more easily. At this point I was basically delirous and would have done anything anyone told me.

I laid on my back and the nurses took position on either side of my legs. They also had stirrups that my legs could rest on in-between contractions. When I felt a contraction coming they would take my legs into their hands and I would push against them and bear down. It felt like a massive poop but then would shift into something stronger. I could feel his head slowly moving down but it really felt like a monstrous bowel movement!

At this point I was pushing but I was still dealing with the extreme exhaustion. I was having difficulty breathing rhythmically and was beginning to loose control. They would have me push four times for every contraction and I could not keep up with the breathes.

They turned the oxygen on and had Kurt hold the mask over my face in-between contractions. This was helpful because for every breath I felt like I was finally getting air. unfortunately, the mask also gave me feelings of claustrophobia. It was difficult to stay calm and focus. I had to keep bringing myself back to focusing on the breathing.

I was told the pushing lasted two hours but it didn't feel like it did. In fact, the whole labor entered this time warp. I think in my mind everything happened more quickly than it did. Pushing felt like it only lasted a couple of minutes, maybe 20 or 30.

After a while of pushing I could tell that he was getting close to coming out. The doctors and nurses were all encouraging me and getting more and more excited. Just before this, when I had first laid down the doctor had put his hands inside my birth canal and turned Harrison a little bit (or at least that's what it felt like). Whatever he really did it was meant to help Harrison come out faster and it seemed like it worked.

Breathing after each contraction I could feel the pain but during pushing I felt very little. That is until he started crowning! That was an interesting moment because I could feel pain but knew it would be over if I could just get him out. It wasn't a ripping pain. More of a pain you get when you cut your finger with a knife on accident. It only lasted a few seconds and he was out.

The moment he came out all I felt was relief. It didn't even dawn on me I had pushed a child out of my body. But then they lifted him up to my chest and he was crying. I was given a wet, slippery baby and he was mine. I don't really remember feeling much of anything except relief and awe that I had done this incredible thing. I do remember looking over at my mother-in-law and saying her name a few times. I didn't see Kurt before they started working on me again. He was behind my head supporting me without looking too close, haha! 

After Harrison had been on me for about a minute the doctor offered up the cord for me to cut. Somehow I found I had a pair of scissors in my hand. I asked if the cord had stopped pulsing and the doctor confirmed. I then used the scissors to cut the cord. It reminded me of cutting up chicken with kitchen shears. After I cut only one drop of blood oozed out of the cord. I was so grateful we were able to do delayed cord clamping. 

They sat me a little ways up in the bed so that Harrison was sloped on my chest but the doctor could still look in-between my legs. I felt him tugging on my placenta with the cord and I had to ask him to stop. I think he was surprised that I had the awareness to ask him to stop. He looked up and explained that he was helping it out. After he was done he found a small piece of placenta still inside so he reached in and scooped it out with his hand. It did not hurt at all. I was a little annoyed that he didn't wait a little more and be patient.

After that I believe a different doctor, or maybe the same, stitched three stitches where I tore. I remember saying, "ow" and it did hurt but it wasn't as painful as birth and I was so exhausted that pain was secondary to being able to rest. That is, until they massaged my uterus.

While Harrison was still on me the nurse used their hands to deeply massage my stomach. It was so incredibly painful and I remember crying out and asking them to stop. The only thing I could do was breathe through the pain and focus on Harrison. Massaging my uterus was the most painful part of giving birth. Just after the first massage (yes, they massaged me every hour!) they sat me up the bed. I said, "I'm going to throw up!" but before they could react I immediately projectile vomited. I threw up all over the doctors and nurses. It was like a scene from the exorcism! Thankfully it was mostly water and didn't have a lot of chunks or food in it.

That was everyone's cue to slowly start leaving. It was a surprise how quickly everyone filtered out of the room. Soon Kurt and I were left alone with this baby plastered on my stomach in the dark. Every hour a nurse would come in to, once again, massage my uterus and make me moan out in pain. Then a pediatrician came to check on Harrison and see that he passed all his developmental tests. Thankfully, he did!

As those first few hours passed, I wish they had brought in a lactation consultant almost immediately. Of course, giving birth at 2 am makes achieving that goal a little difficult. I had no idea what I was doing when it came to feeding Harrison. This caused him to latch poorly which caused my nipples to bleed. He became dehydrated and developed low blood sugar. While the doctors and nurses said he would have developed low blood sugar regardless, I feel that not being able to get my colostrum hindered his ability to thrive. I was able to pump ~16 mL of colostrum on my first try. Stuff was in there, he just couldn't get it out!

I was surprised at how quickly it all went. I'm sure for Kurt and Ginny it felt like an eternity but I went into this strange mental zone where hours passed quickly. I never used much of the pain reducing things I thought I would: tennis ball, back massager, rice sock. I DID use the exercise ball and I am so grateful I forced Kurt to bring mine in the car. The ones at the hospital were either to small, or too large, or too firm. My exercise ball was perfectly suited to me as I had spent a lot of time getting the air pressure just right.

I also remember chewing a little bit of ice but ultimately not using it primarily because it prevented me from focusing on my breathing.

The one thing I am most grateful for is my daily prenatal yoga practice. That, more than anything else, helped me get through labor and delivery. I was able to control my breathing and focus on that instead of the pain.

I was also grateful for taking the BESTbirth Hawaii class. It informed me of many of the things that might happen and gave me the tools I needed to problem solve. For example, I was devastated that I was bed bound because of the magnesium but then realized I could still be on my hands and knees in the bed. Instead of seeing it as a problem I focused on making the bed my own personal jungle gym. Having this positive state of mind is what allowed me to stay calm and prevent further interventions.

#1 Help: YOGA
#1 Surprise: birth was not that painful, the massaging of the uterus afterward was!
#1 Wish: I had asked for help with breastfeeding right away
#1 Regret: focusing too much on birth and not researching Harrison's care afterward. We were in the NICU and pediatric wards for one week after his birth and that experience was so difficult because I had no education.

little bit cranky!

7 lbs 14 oz

Big head!

 Getting checked out by the pediatrician with support from Daddy.

 

The most amazing and wonderful nurses!

Snuggles with grandma.

Finally getting feeding down with the help of a lactation consultant while we were in the NICU.