Happy one week birthday my beautiful baby boy. I am laying in a hospital bed right next to you. You are fast asleep in your bassinet all bundled up.
Your birthday is December 8th, 2015 at 02:04 AM. I went in for a checkup on Monday, December 7th and my blood pressure was much too high (179/110). They diagnosed me with preeclampsia, the only cure for which is giving birth. I remember clearly the midwife coming in and telling me that I could have seizures, permanent brain injury, or die if I was not treated immediately. Imagine a super-intense Tinker Bell with no sense of humor (she really did look like Tinker Bell). They decided to strip my membranes to try and get the labor going. I thought this was going to hurt but it did not hurt at all, I even yawned during the procedure! The nurse told me that I was 1 centimeter dilated and 75% effaced. This gave me hope because it meant I was close to starting labor on my own before the interventions. They also decided to use a foley bulb to help me dilate more quickly. Again, I thought this would hurt but it did not. Thank goodness!
I was given magnesium (Epsom salt solution) to lower my blood pressure, unfortunately it is also a muscle relaxant so they had to give me Pitocin too. I was grateful they were willing to let me start at the lowest dose and work my way up to the dose that would be effective. I think this made it much easier on me. While I was waiting for the contractions to start, my water broke on its own. I remember sitting in the bed and feeling this warm gentle gush of water. I told Kurt that I thought my water broke, the nurses came in thinking that I probably just peed the bed but after testing the water they agreed that it had indeed broken!
The magnesium meant that I had to stay in the bed the entire time and get a catheter. Magnesium makes your legs weak and put me at a risk of falling. I am not sure why I had to get a catheter but it turned into a good thing after the birth. At first I was very upset by being bed bound because I felt like walking around would feel so much better than on the bed. Luckily the class that I took, BESTbirth Hawaii, helped me think outside the box. I had the exercise ball put on the bed and I draped the front half of my body over it with my knees on the bed. I stayed in this position for most of the labor as it made my contractions the least painful.
Once the foley bulb came out (at 4 centimeters) it did not take me that long to fully dilate. I watched Maleficent (the movie) while my contractions became stronger and stronger. This helped pass the time and gave me something to look at and hear while I experienced the contractions. By the time the movie was over the contractions were coming so quickly that watching a second movie, Cinderella, ended up not happening.
The nurses eventually came in and thought that my cervix was fully dilated, I had said that I felt the urge to push, so I began pushing on my hands and knees. They soon realized a little bit of my cervix was still in the way. They asked me to stop pushing and breathe through the contractions. This was, by far, the hardest part of labor. It was almost impossible for me not to push. They again had me lay on my side so they could check my cervix again. I can remember trying so hard to breathe through the contractions but being completely unable to. I kept yelling, "SORRY!!!" every time I would have a contraction and push without being able to stop.
Luckily this phase did not last very long and I was able to begin pushing again. The trouble being that I could no longer push by squatting. I really liked the position but I was so exhausted I didn't have the energy to stay on my hands and knees anymore. They suggested I lay on my side but that was by far the most painful position out of all of them. The nurses suggested I lay on my back because they could help me get him out more easily. At this point I was basically delirous and would have done anything anyone told me.
I laid on my back and the nurses took position on either side of my legs. They also had stirrups that my legs could rest on in-between contractions. When I felt a contraction coming they would take my legs into their hands and I would push against them and bear down. It felt like a massive poop but then would shift into something stronger. I could feel his head slowly moving down but it really felt like a monstrous bowel movement!
At this point I was pushing but I was still dealing with the extreme exhaustion. I was having difficulty breathing rhythmically and was beginning to loose control. They would have me push four times for every contraction and I could not keep up with the breathes.
They turned the oxygen on and had Kurt hold the mask over my face in-between contractions. This was helpful because for every breath I felt like I was finally getting air. unfortunately, the mask also gave me feelings of claustrophobia. It was difficult to stay calm and focus. I had to keep bringing myself back to focusing on the breathing.
I was told the pushing lasted two hours but it didn't feel like it did. In fact, the whole labor entered this time warp. I think in my mind everything happened more quickly than it did. Pushing felt like it only lasted a couple of minutes, maybe 20 or 30.
After a while of pushing I could tell that he was getting close to coming out. The doctors and nurses were all encouraging me and getting more and more excited. Just before this, when I had first laid down the doctor had put his hands inside my birth canal and turned Harrison a little bit (or at least that's what it felt like). Whatever he really did it was meant to help Harrison come out faster and it seemed like it worked.
Breathing after each contraction I could feel the pain but during pushing I felt very little. That is until he started crowning! That was an interesting moment because I could feel pain but knew it would be over if I could just get him out. It wasn't a ripping pain. More of a pain you get when you cut your finger with a knife on accident. It only lasted a few seconds and he was out.
The moment he came out all I felt was relief. It didn't even dawn on me I had pushed a child out of my body. But then they lifted him up to my chest and he was crying. I was given a wet, slippery baby and he was mine. I don't really remember feeling much of anything except relief and awe that I had done this incredible thing. I do remember looking over at my mother-in-law and saying her name a few times. I didn't see Kurt before they started working on me again. He was behind my head supporting me without looking too close, haha!
After Harrison had been on me for about a minute the doctor offered up the cord for me to cut. Somehow I found I had a pair of scissors in my hand. I asked if the cord had stopped pulsing and the doctor confirmed. I then used the scissors to cut the cord. It reminded me of cutting up chicken with kitchen shears. After I cut only one drop of blood oozed out of the cord. I was so grateful we were able to do delayed cord clamping.
They sat me a little ways up in the bed so that Harrison was sloped on my chest but the doctor could still look in-between my legs. I felt him tugging on my placenta with the cord and I had to ask him to stop. I think he was surprised that I had the awareness to ask him to stop. He looked up and explained that he was helping it out. After he was done he found a small piece of placenta still inside so he reached in and scooped it out with his hand. It did not hurt at all. I was a little annoyed that he didn't wait a little more and be patient.
After that I believe a different doctor, or maybe the same, stitched three stitches where I tore. I remember saying, "ow" and it did hurt but it wasn't as painful as birth and I was so exhausted that pain was secondary to being able to rest. That is, until they massaged my uterus.
While Harrison was still on me the nurse used their hands to deeply massage my stomach. It was so incredibly painful and I remember crying out and asking them to stop. The only thing I could do was breathe through the pain and focus on Harrison. Massaging my uterus was the most painful part of giving birth. Just after the first massage (yes, they massaged me every hour!) they sat me up the bed. I said, "I'm going to throw up!" but before they could react I immediately projectile vomited. I threw up all over the doctors and nurses. It was like a scene from the exorcism! Thankfully it was mostly water and didn't have a lot of chunks or food in it.
That was everyone's cue to slowly start leaving. It was a surprise how quickly everyone filtered out of the room. Soon Kurt and I were left alone with this baby plastered on my stomach in the dark. Every hour a nurse would come in to, once again, massage my uterus and make me moan out in pain. Then a pediatrician came to check on Harrison and see that he passed all his developmental tests. Thankfully, he did!
As those first few hours passed, I wish they had brought in a lactation consultant almost immediately. Of course, giving birth at 2 am makes achieving that goal a little difficult. I had no idea what I was doing when it came to feeding Harrison. This caused him to latch poorly which caused my nipples to bleed. He became dehydrated and developed low blood sugar. While the doctors and nurses said he would have developed low blood sugar regardless, I feel that not being able to get my colostrum hindered his ability to thrive. I was able to pump ~16 mL of colostrum on my first try. Stuff was in there, he just couldn't get it out!
I was surprised at how quickly it all went. I'm sure for Kurt and Ginny it felt like an eternity but I went into this strange mental zone where hours passed quickly. I never used much of the pain reducing things I thought I would: tennis ball, back massager, rice sock. I DID use the exercise ball and I am so grateful I forced Kurt to bring mine in the car. The ones at the hospital were either to small, or too large, or too firm. My exercise ball was perfectly suited to me as I had spent a lot of time getting the air pressure just right.
I also remember chewing a little bit of ice but ultimately not using it primarily because it prevented me from focusing on my breathing.
The one thing I am most grateful for is my daily prenatal yoga practice. That, more than anything else, helped me get through labor and delivery. I was able to control my breathing and focus on that instead of the pain.
I was also grateful for taking the BESTbirth Hawaii class. It informed me of many of the things that might happen and gave me the tools I needed to problem solve. For example, I was devastated that I was bed bound because of the magnesium but then realized I could still be on my hands and knees in the bed. Instead of seeing it as a problem I focused on making the bed my own personal jungle gym. Having this positive state of mind is what allowed me to stay calm and prevent further interventions.
#1 Help: YOGA
#1 Surprise: birth was not that painful, the massaging of the uterus afterward was!
#1 Wish: I had asked for help with breastfeeding right away
#1 Regret: focusing too much on birth and not researching Harrison's care afterward. We were in the NICU and pediatric wards for one week after his birth and that experience was so difficult because I had no education.
They sat me a little ways up in the bed so that Harrison was sloped on my chest but the doctor could still look in-between my legs. I felt him tugging on my placenta with the cord and I had to ask him to stop. I think he was surprised that I had the awareness to ask him to stop. He looked up and explained that he was helping it out. After he was done he found a small piece of placenta still inside so he reached in and scooped it out with his hand. It did not hurt at all. I was a little annoyed that he didn't wait a little more and be patient.
After that I believe a different doctor, or maybe the same, stitched three stitches where I tore. I remember saying, "ow" and it did hurt but it wasn't as painful as birth and I was so exhausted that pain was secondary to being able to rest. That is, until they massaged my uterus.
While Harrison was still on me the nurse used their hands to deeply massage my stomach. It was so incredibly painful and I remember crying out and asking them to stop. The only thing I could do was breathe through the pain and focus on Harrison. Massaging my uterus was the most painful part of giving birth. Just after the first massage (yes, they massaged me every hour!) they sat me up the bed. I said, "I'm going to throw up!" but before they could react I immediately projectile vomited. I threw up all over the doctors and nurses. It was like a scene from the exorcism! Thankfully it was mostly water and didn't have a lot of chunks or food in it.
That was everyone's cue to slowly start leaving. It was a surprise how quickly everyone filtered out of the room. Soon Kurt and I were left alone with this baby plastered on my stomach in the dark. Every hour a nurse would come in to, once again, massage my uterus and make me moan out in pain. Then a pediatrician came to check on Harrison and see that he passed all his developmental tests. Thankfully, he did!
As those first few hours passed, I wish they had brought in a lactation consultant almost immediately. Of course, giving birth at 2 am makes achieving that goal a little difficult. I had no idea what I was doing when it came to feeding Harrison. This caused him to latch poorly which caused my nipples to bleed. He became dehydrated and developed low blood sugar. While the doctors and nurses said he would have developed low blood sugar regardless, I feel that not being able to get my colostrum hindered his ability to thrive. I was able to pump ~16 mL of colostrum on my first try. Stuff was in there, he just couldn't get it out!
I was surprised at how quickly it all went. I'm sure for Kurt and Ginny it felt like an eternity but I went into this strange mental zone where hours passed quickly. I never used much of the pain reducing things I thought I would: tennis ball, back massager, rice sock. I DID use the exercise ball and I am so grateful I forced Kurt to bring mine in the car. The ones at the hospital were either to small, or too large, or too firm. My exercise ball was perfectly suited to me as I had spent a lot of time getting the air pressure just right.
I also remember chewing a little bit of ice but ultimately not using it primarily because it prevented me from focusing on my breathing.
The one thing I am most grateful for is my daily prenatal yoga practice. That, more than anything else, helped me get through labor and delivery. I was able to control my breathing and focus on that instead of the pain.
I was also grateful for taking the BESTbirth Hawaii class. It informed me of many of the things that might happen and gave me the tools I needed to problem solve. For example, I was devastated that I was bed bound because of the magnesium but then realized I could still be on my hands and knees in the bed. Instead of seeing it as a problem I focused on making the bed my own personal jungle gym. Having this positive state of mind is what allowed me to stay calm and prevent further interventions.
#1 Help: YOGA
#1 Surprise: birth was not that painful, the massaging of the uterus afterward was!
#1 Wish: I had asked for help with breastfeeding right away
#1 Regret: focusing too much on birth and not researching Harrison's care afterward. We were in the NICU and pediatric wards for one week after his birth and that experience was so difficult because I had no education.
little bit cranky!
7 lbs 14 oz
Big head!
Getting checked out by the pediatrician with support from Daddy.
The most amazing and wonderful nurses!
Snuggles with grandma.
Finally getting feeding down with the help of a lactation consultant while we were in the NICU.
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